The eternal battle, the heart vs. the mind.
and since i'm not a "blame it on others" person, i tend to only blame myself (the heart-mind battle) for whatever pain i get myself into.
because i believe that no one can hurt you without your explicit conscious permission.
the thing is that as a result, a behavior adjustment has to be done, unconsciously though, the adjustment tend to become solitude, a subconscious belief is aroused that introversion keeps others from hurting you.
Now regardless of this choice being a wise one or not, it's a subconscious reaction that is totally beyond my awareness, and yet part of who i am.
it has saved me tremendous frustrations throughout the years i have to say, but the question is, am i really comfortable this way? and is the joy outcome of trust worth the risk of getting hurt? I don't know...
Because, in a moment of happiness, you forget all sadness, and in a moment of sorrow, you forget all joy.. and i don't bear to handle the pain, my pain threshold (physically and psychologically) is really low and i would prefer the indifference attitude over the risk.